The Big Fat Punjabi Wedding!!!

Of lately, we have had a whole lot of movie focusing on the Sardarji/Punjabi culture in sadda Bollywood. What with movies like Singgh is King, Rocket Singh, Oye Lucky Lucky Oye etc; the quintessential funny sardarji character of the erstwhile cinema has become a full blown protagonist of the movie itself. It is no longer so. Add to that directors like Gurinder Chaddha whose Hinglish movies like Bend it like Bekham, It’s a Wonderful Afterlife and others like Bride and Prejudice and Monsoon Wedding have also brought international focus on the meek, unpretentious community that is the Punjabis.

And it’s not like it’s only in movies that the Punjabi culture is being focused upon. Books like Chetan Bhagat’s 2 states had an extensive focus on this Paneer-tucking-Jewellery-Obsessed community. And the attention is not always good. Look at Khushwant Singh… What kind of impression has he created of the entire community? Anybody who judges the community on the basis of Mr. Singh’s character would think of all the Punjabis as being constituted of perverted old men or Cougars. Which, coming to think of it, might not be all that far from the truth. But, being Indians, we always like to think of things in a non racist way (yah right!).

Hence, this post is my attempt to give a brief description of the community and especially focus on the Punjabi Wedding. Wedding because I believe that the best place where you can observe any person or relationship or community is the way their weddings are conducted. Nowhere else can you observe the typical of any community than in a wedding.

But first a couple of tidbits about the community in general:

1. At the very outset, let me clarify a very common confusion: Punjabi doesn’t mean the Sardarji community. It may, but not necessarily always. “Sardarji” AKA “Sikhs” is a religion whereas “Punjabi” is a culture which may also include non-sardarjis and cut-surds as well.
2. It’s true that they love paneer and chicken. Infact they are what parmal and fish are to Bengalis; sambhar and coconut are to Tams and pav bhaji etc to Mumbaikars. It is, simply said, their staple food. And while sometimes they may get overboard with the whole obsession with the food thing, it is always in the best of intentions. Punjabis don’t feel that the airline food of rice daal or sandwiches comprise “food” unless it comprises of at least two paneer dishes, some paranthas, a curd based accompaniment, Chhole and Rice, and dessert of Halwa or something equally “filling”.
3. People talk about jewellery in terms of sets that they have, sets of earrings, sometimes even silver jewellery (ewww). But that’s not how it’s done here. They don’t deal in just jewellery sets. They talk about kilos of Gold jewellery only. The least that they have to wear on any occasions, irrespective of gender, is a kilo of gold jewellery; at least half of which should “appear” to be genuine diamond studded. And they don’t spare any occasion from this criteria; being fair on that front. Even when they go for mourning, they always wear newly stitched clothes and a not so gaudy kilo of jewellery. And not only that, they also do a noble cause through this you know na. They provide an enormous employment opportunity to the thieves and burglars of the country who would have to indulge in petty pick pocketing, somehow passing their days. They give them an opportunity to lead a comfortable life by robbing one of our brethrens and spending the crore gained thus to spend life comfortably.
4. They are strict believers of social networking. Irrespective of the occasion, they believe that the gathering of influential people should not be wasted and that all the discussions should be commenced whenever all the people have gathered, the long distance communication equipments like phone etc be damned. And no occasion is big or small enough for them. In fact, a whole lot of prospective matches are made while attending various mourning ceremonies.
5. They don’t believe in doing things the way normal people would do. As one of the brand promotions mentions “Live Life. King Size”. Well they do certainly exemplify the brand promotion. They drive amongst the biggest cars available to the mankind. Courtesy M/s DLF, they have had crores with them and hence like to show it. Be it through bigger mansions, tons of gold on every space of their body, gaudy sarees, or through their weddings.
6. And any discussion has to be had around money. Be it real estate or job or diamond sets. The main subject matter doesn’t really matter and can be discussed intertwiningly as long as it is about money itself.

Which brings me to the main point of the posts… The Punjabi Weddings.

Now there are like a gazillion ceremonies in a Punjabi Wedding. I will describe some of them in brief here and a special focus on the actual wedding towards the end.

1. Roka – The first ceremony to ensure that the fickle nature of man and woman doesn’t kick into picture and either party doesn’t change their mind at any later stage. Though rings are not exchanged, the couple stand unofficially engaged after this ceremony. More binding than the debt covenants of the bank. True Story!!!
2. Sagai – When the doomsday agreement is actually signed with the token rings being exchanged. Duration between Sagai and Actual wedding may vary on case to case basis depending on the ugliness quotient of either parties or the wishes of the parents. Needless to say the need to show off plays a big part in all the ceremonies as the venue, people invited, gifts and jewellery exchanged depends on that. Even the gap between wedding and Sagai might also depend on how eager you are to one-up your neighbor’s wedding.
3. Sangeet – When the men and women of the family formally try and express their happiness on the wedding. Kind of like the rudali thing except it is done before wedding. For groom, the idea behind either does not differ. This is a function typically celebrated at both the parties – At the girl’s end for the prospective Bakra and at the boy’s end to welcome the prospective lifelong Fixed Deposit into the family. Of lately, some of the “progressive” families opt for live bands or a disc jockey to churn out one dance track after another as guests shake a leg on the floor. That doesn’t make it any less painful to watch the multiple tires on the “khaate peete ghar ki aunty” gyrating on the floor or the drunken uncle trying to do bhangra on a Michael Jackson number. Just a word of caution for the faint hearted: It is entirely normal if there are sudden bursts of high pitched noise. It is not some ultra high frequency generator, just some over enthusiastic people having decided that the party was a tad bit too quiet for their taste. Also, people have been known to be spontaneously struck by a desire to sing and dance at random numbers without any rhyme or reason. But that’s entirely normal as well.
4. Cocktail – I am not really sure but I don’t think that in any other community or culture would you find a complete occasion devoted to drinking whisky and scotch, the two favorites of most of the “drinking” Punjabis. But then they don’t things the way normally people would do, do they?
5. Mehendi – The last major function before the wedding is the mehendi. Mehendiwallis are called to the respective houses of the boy and girl and they apply mehendi to the palms of the female family members, and the hands and feet of the bride. In some cultures, both boys and girls both have to undergo this ritual; but in Punjabi weddings, it is only the girls who take the cake… Well not literally as their mehendi hands doesn’t permit them to do anything and it is up to the lesser mortals to feed them etc. and everybody want these mehendiwallas to apply a coat or two their claws. It doesn’t matter how hideous the design is or how long they have to wait for the mehendiwalla to get to their hand as long as A) The Family of Bride/Groom ahs spent a lot of MONEY in the process and B) The family insists each and every women present in the household, personally and regardless of their age, to get the hands mehendi-fied.
6. At The Venue – Well at the venue, just imagine that Karan Johar and Suraj Badjatya had a competition to see who can arrange a better wedding, with most people, most food stalls, most activities, hubbub and activity and a lot of gyrating tyre-studded aunties and piss-drunk uncles. Now multiply it by ten times. Only then can you begin to imagine how a Punjabi wedding looks like.

Walking into a Punjabi Wedding is like walking into a multi cultural fair with billions of people, all jostling with each other for space. That’s not to say that the space is less. It just means that so many more people were invited to it. If there were a FaceBook equivalent of a Punjabi Wedding, the minimum friends that anyone would have would be at least in four digits. You see it is an obsession with typical Punjabis to show off as much as they can on such occasions. Hence, even if they will travel by a DTC bus or normal days, they will hire a driver for this day just to make sure that their Biradari (Community) sees that they do have a driver. While on the other days, they will adorn glass bangles and cotton suits or Sarees with fake LV or D&G bags from Karol Bagh Market; the wedding days will force them to bring out the best of their Kundan and Diamond sets and the Kanivaram Sarees or Crepe suits with matching fake LV or D&G bags from Khan Market.

So… walking into such a wedding, the first thing that you would notice, after of course the above mentioned points, is the food. One such wedding that I went to, had ten different cuisines. Not just couple of food stalls but key dishes of various Cuisines. They had like Rajasthani Cuisine, Marwari Cuisine, Punjabi Cuisine, Jain Food, Continental Cuisine and some that I can’t even remember however hard I try to. And that’s just main course. Then there are a dozen stalls for snacks like Chaat and Pav Bhaji and the ubiquitous Golgappas. In fact, comedian Raju Shrivastava once joked about such a wedding place where husband got separated from his wife. So they get in touch on mobile and husband is instructing the wife about his location as “Ok I am at the Golgappa Stand. Where are you? At the Soft Drink Station? So go to your right till the ice cream stall. Turn Right and keep on going till you reach the water dispenser. Walk to left till you reach the Fruit Chaat counter. Just behind the counter is the main hall. Take the shortcut through the main hall to the other end of Dessert counter where I am. OK?”

 Next thing to be focused upon is the sheer number of bright clothes. While ordinary people like you and me would shirk from wearing a fluorescent pink trouser or a Technicolor shirt. But not these folks. No sir. They will wear those monstrosities like they actually believe that it’s something which might pass off as wearable and that they are able to pull it off. But that’s not the only thing. If a non-Punjabi is invited to a Punjabi wedding, he/she will look through their wardrobe and see what’s worth wearing and get it ironed and starched (If at all). Punjabis, on the other hand, will plan for their Biradari wedding the same way one prepares for a major project. Of course, they can’t wear the old clothes because oh my god what would the biradari say? They will buy new clothes for all the above mentioned different occasions.
And of course all the clothes have to be in different color, different designs and in all should combine all the possible cultural variations possible. And it’s not just the women who are so fanatic about wearing new clothes. The men of this tribe are equally finicky about only wearing new clothes on such occasions.

Also, these weddings are like a heaven for thieves and goons. If a normal human thinks of heaven as golden gates and playing harps and muses running around; a goon would be thinking about Punjabi Wedding aunties wearing diamond studded DeBeers jewellery and uncles wearing local jeweler brand bracelets, with fat wallets and even fatter bundle of credit cards and debit cards, Gautier and Rolexes being flashed around.

Another word of caution, never, ever talk to a Punjabi about wealth and status and such things. They have an experience of obsessing with the same day in and day out and that’s not something that an average Joe like you and me can beat. I mean all their lives revolve around these issues. If the neighbor Mr. & Mrs. Arora have kept a Labrador in their home, how can Mrs. Chopra not have at least two Labradors at their home. Doesn’t matter if the husband doesn’t get his clothes ironed, but Mrs. Arora and Mrs. Chopra must have a faceoff between them every night while walking their dog(s). Doesn’t matter if the husband has to cook the food, the dog must be fed “pedigree”. And of course the neighbors would constantly complain to each other about how much the pet is costing them for upkeep. But appearances must always be maintained. Because, you see, at the end of it all; everything boils down to showing off the wealth and how much they spend. Did you just foolishly tell some Punjabi about your son getting a new job? Silly you! Now you must be ready for the follow-up question of how much money does he get. And regardless of what salary or profile you say, the opponent would already have a cousin who gets better money than that for a better profile.

The wedding would typically be carried out in a fashion which would shame even the IPL organizers. This wedding has everything just short of mini-skirt wearing cheerleaders. Though, I am told, that some people are already thinking on that line to provide that extra entertainment to their guests.

I hope that I have been able to share even a fraction of what is truly a delightful community. Regardless of what all I have said, most of the Punjabis are indeed loud, warm people who know how to enjoy their hearts out. And I also hope that, to the uninitiated, this column has been able to introduce them a little bit about a culture which is present not only in India or in Second India (Read Canada), but across the entire world, in whatever form and growing… Fast. Go Punjabis, Go.

Did I somewhere mention that the Punjabis are a simple meek, unpretentious community? Scratch that,

PS: Even though on the basis of family, I am from Himachal. But I guess that having lived all my life in Delhi, I am pretty much wetted in the Punjabi culture. So much so that, bad though I am at it, I confuse Punjabi-speak with Himachali-speak, much to everybody’s amusement. Not mine though.

PPS: All this talk about weddings and all because I am going through that age segment of my life when every other person, hell every person, you meet enquires you about your wedding plans. Hence, try as you might, this would be one subject which would never be too far from your thoughts. And just like normal curve, these queries tend to peak around 24-28 years for a typical Indian male. As fat in this fire is the fact that classmates are marrying left and right and with some of classmates introducing you their children as “Beta uncle ko Namaste bolo!” and sharing antics of their two year toddler drooling all over the floor.

PPPS: An interesting link here.

Images Courtesy: jaipur.olx.in, elizabethannedesigns.com, ktbweddingphotography.co.uk, come2india.org, desinuts.com, culturalindia.net, weddings.iloveindia.com, journey2india.com, images.travelpod.com