Top 5 paradoxes in Indian Telly

We have all seen our fair share of the telly dramas. Be them the Ekta Kapoor variety or the Adhikari Brother’s ‘Comedy’. Whether or not you want to, there are some things that you just can’t escape. Meeting distant elderly relatives is one thing. Other thing is watching the prime time soaps, which your mother and sister are convinced teach us all a thing or two about the life. I have had my fair share of this serial watching as well. And over two decades of this accumulated experience has confused me to some aspects which are mind-boggling at the best. I am surprised that the scientists have not pounded on these ‘paradoxes’ of the Indian Telly. But for the benefit of the public in general, I will list the top three here:

Inexplicably, Mangalsutra, bangles and lamps are amongst the most favored items of the directors when they want to show an ill omen. The mangalsutra, when snatched from the neck in the most brutal fashion; while a theft or during the protagonist planning a revenge or something; will break at the clasp, be intact and then be stored in a jewellery box. However, the same mangalsutra, when showing ill omen; when gets slightly entangled in the folds of the tent cloth that the protagonists wear will break from all possible sides accompanied by a close-up of all the beads rolling around on the floor. Similar is the case with bangles; glass bangles when normally taken off (no matter how brutally) will never break but for an ill omen, even the slightest pull will break them asunder and draw blood from the wrist.

News channels and babas often discuss the theory of reincarnation and how you need to do good deeds in life to be reincarnated as a human in the next life. Going by that theory, all the actors must be saints and angels. Out TV channels are way ahead than just theorizing, though. Several instances are known wherein a person has been reborn with full memories of what they were and what they used to do in the life gone by. The same concept has also been liberally explored in various Bollywood movies as well.

Another perplexing thing that I have observed that however time passes by, the characters remain ageless as ever. Even after the much hyped 5 and 20 year jumps in the soap, the only visible difference between the appearances is addition of a spectacle to the costume list and a couple of streaks of while hairs, donning more elegant (or so they think) clothes while the next younger generation to follow will wear an ever more increasing set of ridiculous clothes. Sometimes, when a younger character grows up; the older version seems younger than what the character was 5 years back (Look at Baalika Vadhu). Otherwise, they are physically fit as hell and somehow escape the nature’s weathering of people in terms of wrinkles, pot bellies, or sagging skin. Guess the folks at fair and lovely, no marks and anti-ageing cream can learn a thing or two from the Telly people.

The most wondrous of things of all is that whatever be the time of the day, whatever is the work that these people are doing, whatever situation they are in; these charming folks are ALWAYS wearing a makeup. While normal people like you and me would sweat a little bit when working in kitchen or doing a couple of rounds in gym; they will always make everything look like a breeze and perform everything with such panache; makes us feel like lay morons. Even while sleeping, the wives will don full makeup and their Kanjeevaram Sarees with the full entourage. Surprisingly so, they remain as wonderfully made up as ever, even when they wake up from the bed or are being served a bed tea. Unless of course the aim is to portray them as being guilty of having slept, then they will be disheveled as us mortals. Other than that, there seems to be no normal people around on these soaps. But I guess the ordinary people are not glamorous enough to be shown on telly when all the unglamorous people watching the TV want to see is a sharply dressed vamp, with couple of inches long weird bindi on their forehead.

The last one is something that I have seen only in the case of Ekta Kapoor crap only. It could be possible that the same would be duplicated elsewhere as well but not that I have witnessed. I am talking about, of course, the Plastic surgery procedure. Again, they portray the plastic surgery to be such a simple procedure that the entire face of a person can be changed, without leaving a single mark of the body. But even more wonderful than that is the fact that a simple plastic surgery can also result in the height, weight, skin tone and even voice quality to be changed.

What a wonderful place to live, the Telly world be.

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