It is being widely publicized in the news how it is raining cats and dogs in Delhi, along with all the unfinished CWG work that has gone eons beyond its scheduled and revised and even re-revised deadlines, with no further hopes of getting completed in the near future. Add to it, more and more water is flowing into Delhi due to Haryana releasing water, creating a flood like situation in most of the venues, especially those concerned with the games. Due to heavy water logging in a lot of areas, a lot of crore rupee infrastructure developed just weeks back is falling apart like a pack of cards… quite literally so. CP is dug up so badly that no amount of fair and lovely cream or even ‘No-Marks’ can repair this damage.
So, as the government is now requesting general public to help make the CWG a success by cooperating with them. Now the fact that the Suresh Kalmadi did not ask for the help when it was time to earn a quick couple of crore is not to be discussed in this post as that merits an extensively dedicated thought of its own. So, coming back to the point… helping the CWG committee out.
I thought… a lot… about WHAT CAN I DO to help them out? I am not wealthy enough to help get some construction work done. I do not have enough political connections to get the public departments to get their work done instead of passing the buck, and on the way earn a quick dozen crore rupees. I am not the son of an influential politician that people would even listen to me. I am a simple engineer trying to be yem-bee-yey. I belong to knowledge economy and thinking is what I do best and damned I will be if I don’t try and think out a solution. And I did. At least I tried.
I thought why don’t we try and invent new sports for CWG 2010 seeing as most of the venues and connecting infrastructure is either incomplete or wrecked by the rains or lying in complete neglect. Hence, most of the games cannot take place in their conventional format. And like the typical Indian story, everything would have to be localized to Indian palate.
Now to the new game formats:
Kabaddi: This one is actually a no brainer. No infrastructure requirement for the game. Minimal requirement of training for the players. And best of all, it is one game where the Indians have a hell lot of more practice than the foreigners and thus more chance for them to win. Especially, looking at the cricket scenario, the Indian players seem unable to do a lot sorely on the basis of their talent.
Skip the pothole: Now that the rains are here and the top 2 mm layer of mortar has washed off the surface of roads, the underlying craters in the roads formed due to the underground water pipes giving way to behemoth craters which can swallow the entire eighteen tire trailers whole and not even belch. Even though I concede that of lately, it has been more of a swimming on the Delhi roads kind of scenario what with water logging and all, I am sure that most of the water will evaporate by the time games start. In these cases when there are more potholes on the road than the actual ‘road’, it is an art to walk or drive on these monstrosities without stepping in a puddle and/or getting drenched. With the entire CP dug, the cycle race seems to be going down the drain (forgive the pun), we need to have an alternate sport. What better option than to play a langadi (one legged) game of skipping the holes.
Pass the traffic jam: With heavy water logging on roads which were anyways dug to hell, traffic jams are one thing which has become a part of the daily life. Even faster than things such as packaged foods and cold drinks. Thousands of commuters face the jam every day. No time of day or night is without these jams. In fact, to some, it may seem that they are spending more time on the road than off it. Recent news is of a ten day long jam in china which has now crossed over 100 kms. People have not established their cars as a temporary home; how they conduct bodily functions is something that I do not even want to think about. But it is bloody China; they can do anything. But if China can do it, India too will. So we will institute this game wherein the players would have to pass through a jam in the peak office hour. The catch here would be that no honking or flashing-red lights or sirens will be allowed. Coming to think of it would not be a bad idea to include some politicians as well.
Beat the traffic jam: This one is more of a strategy oriented game than ‘Pass the traffic jam’ which was more oriented towards the brute force and maneuvering capabilities. In this game, player will be tested for their skills in planning the timing of departure, routes they chose, routes they avoid, where to avoid over speeding because the traffic cops are known to station around that area, etc etc. You get the idea.
Bribe the peon: With Delhi being the political capital of the country, there is obviously a lot of politics going on at any point of time. Everyone, except me sadly, has a political connection here. Even that peon you see watering the plants, is on that position because his uncle’s aunt’s nephew’s friend is peon to a minster. So he got the job though ‘approach’. Also, anyone who has had a file stuck into a government office knows this as well that even though it is the officers who are signing the files, the real deal maker or breaker are these peons who physically move these files from one desk to another. Infuriate them and a woman’s fury, let alone hell’s, would seem like a gentle warm breeze. Files have been known to simply disappear when these peons are not happy with a particular person. So, the challenge here would be to get the files moved in a government office, say MCD or DDA, without using any high level ‘approach’; sorely on the basis of bribing the peon. They will be judged on how much money they spent and how quickly they got their work done.
Hit the migrant laborer: This one is actually quite famous amongst the spawns of the rich. Seeing as government is not able to do anything to prevent it, we might as well institutionalize the bloody (literally) exercise and make some money out of it. This will help India in more than one ways: A) Some population will be reduced; B) Since some cars will be destroyed and the spawns hurt, there might be better driving experience for some time; C) With the cars destroyed, more cars will be imported into India which would benefit the auto manufacturers into setting up auto hubs in India; D) More money out of pocket of the riches and some will flow into the pockets of laborers etc. Coupled with the fact that games like shooting and archery seem impossible going by the condition of the stadiums, this game should be an instantaneous hit.
Garbage-in-bin: This could be the one sport where Indians might now be able to perform as well as their taller and fairer brethren. After all, having the treated the entire area outside of their home and vehicle as a litter bin; it might be a tad bit difficult to throw garbage in a small box at the corner of the road. On the plus side, since shooting and archery seem to be out of action, this game will provide an interesting alternative to the games and there is a slim chance that Indians might actually learn something from it.
Feel free to add on to the list.
PS: I Hope that Suresh Kalmadi is reading this one!
PS: I Hope that Suresh Kalmadi is reading this one!
Image courtesy: thehindu.com, blogs.seattleweekly.com, samaylive.com, bharatchronicle.com, commonwealthgame2010.com, graphicreflections.org