Saas-bahu soaps: No post on India could be complete without a mention of the omnipotent, ever present Saas bahu soaps. All the women go to bed completely decked out in embroidered saris and wake up without a single hair out of place. The vamps are better dressed than the best of the actors with over arching make ups and sharp features. And not only women, men are hooked to these as well (I mean soaps, not the vamps... well sometimes vamps too)
Corrupt Politicians: In the land of Modis and their truckload of paperwork, Rajas and Kalmadis; what would the CEOs discuss in the board room if not the way the nation is being run by the fat, corrupt politicians. What would the newspapers be covering if not for the notorious antics, rape and other accusations on these "Bhala Manus" (Gentlemen)
Cricketers and Movie stars: In a nation obsessed with cricket, every child following the sport is more of expert than the buffoons at Statistical Analysis and Data Reconfiguration centers. When every living thought is dependent on performance of Indian cricketers vis-a-vis South Africa/Australia/Pakistan/New Zealand/Any Other; how can cricket be ignored? Also, in a place where Bollywood is akin to religion, everyday ablutions of the superstars are the source of headlines for the tabloids. Every cough and sneeze is a source of fascination to the masses.
Stray animals on the streets: Where streets are littered with litter (no pun) of puppies, hordes of bovine and cattles; where Cow is considered to be a scared animal; it is really difficult to keep the animals off the streets. especially not n
Galli cricket: Again the Indian obsession with cricket is very evident in this rudimentary form of cricket that we Indians love to play. A national holiday, sunny outside and a vacant parking --> Ideal conditions for playing cricket. And incidentally, that is where the stars of the cricket rise from.
Punjabis: Well lets face it. All said and done, Indian culture, especially Northern Indian; is prominently imapcted by the boisterous, loud and warm punjabi culture. And we are the best.
Item numbers: Be it Sheila ki Jawani or Munni or Badnaami or Beedi Jalani... The item numbers are a surefire hit every single time.
Under construction work: Just like the city that never sleeps, India is a country where the work never finishes. That is also saying something about the infrastructure investment that the government is undertaking on behalf of the public; it is an equivalent statement about how long a typical project takes to get completed and how, by the time one work finishes it is already time to start over to refurbish the entire thing.
Over-inquisitive neighbors: Well what would your neighboring aunty do all day if it were not for the daily soaps and the fact that she has to absolutely know who all are coming and going in her neighborhood. After all, what use would that long neck of her come to if no to peer over the boundary walls between the neighboring houses. And lets not even talk about the concept of Personal space because for a lot of people, there is no such thing.
Street Food: Even the mention of this topic makes one hungry. In a country with as varied food habits as anything, with street savories ranging from Chaats to Tikkis to Rabris and Jalebis; it is a literal feast for the senses to enjoy it all.
Bargaining: Who can resist a good bargain. I can not. We have entire shops built on the premises that people love to bargain. People bargain the hell out of the vendor even if it is 10 rupee toy that they are planning to purchase. Read a detailed post here.
Bigger than thou weddings: With each passing year, every one is trying to outdo the other person by planning a bigger, grander wedding than the before (Proverbially the one that people will remember for eons). A Most detailed coverage here.
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Inspired from an article on rediff here.
Let’s go Dutch: I know you do not have money, you are broke, you are yet to return the money to your friend, that he loaned you for Valentine’s day date, the bike is borrowed and petrol is pooled in by friends, there is no money in all the plastic cards that you have in your wallet, the jeans you are wearing is suffocating you, because the friend that you borrowed it from is few stones lighter than you, chances are very likely that, you may bump into your roomiee in a market and get a thrashing for wearing his shoes. With all the respect to your insolvency, you cannot avoid the dates, the mounting bills and the gifts. Dare to refuse, for a Friday movie release, a gift on occasions like, meeting anniversary, dating anniversary, handholding anniversary, kissing anniversary, first fight anniversary, and leave alone all the days, rose day, hug day and so on, you will face verbal slaughter with utmost insensitivity, leading to death due to shame. I know you want to catch some breath, I know you are almost to die due to the mounting debt, but never use the Golden words “Let’s Go Dutch”, the moment you utter these magical world, she will ditch you in all likelihood, and the worst is, you could be denounced as a looser in the girl’s community.
My moustache is better than yours: I know you are dying to compare, I know you are suffering from we-men-are-better-than-women syndrome the male chauvinist inside you is dying to establish itself as superior creature over the lesser mortals. I know you see them, you know they are there, I know you have a Sam Disilva or Sherlock Holmes, inside you but some things in life remain better, when unsaid. So please, for heaven’s sake, never ever compare like “My moustache is better than yours”. If at all you have the urge to say that, and you are ready to sacrifice the relationship, have the necessary safety equipment handy, e.g. helmet, a real fast bike or car, ambulance on quick dial of your mobile etc. But do not do these adventurous tricks, unless it is done under the supervision of a trained professional.
Don’t try to be superman: Ok... Let me clear the issue on the outset itself, I do not mean to dissuade you from wearing your underwear over your pant, you can and you must if you feel you have a clean pair of undies, and the color red is not faded enough. But what I mean by superman is, do not be on the move to get her things done, that too with efficiency. Damn, for a few praises, you may risk yourself for eternal slavery. I know, you can do all the domestic chores with utmost speed and accuracy, but you don’t have to tell her, if ever you do, you would end up doing the same all through your life. Getting her veggies, bank work, doing her clothes, buying groceries, fixing her laptop, dusting, and cleaning, is what you will be used for.
That is how many dishes to wash for per hundred rupee of outstanding bill. For this reason avoid going to places with self service, and pre paid options. Never buy her a top larger than, Medium size and Jeans with a waist size of more than 30 inches. If it doesn’t fit, (which will not, in most of the cases), convince her that it will fit her maybe from tomorrow, when she starts doing yoga. Never stop her from bitching any girl, if you do even if out of humanity, you will be termed as a sympathizer and making an act that could be considered as treason. Never stop her from praising about a guy, you may be blamed for your insecurity. Never encourage her for cooking, because if you do, you will be the first victim irrespective of whether you eat it or not.
