Saturday, May 15, 2010

Guy acquires X-Ray Vision


The 15 year old Ajitabh had been a big fan of super-heroes such as Superman, King Shahrukh Khan etc. He always used to fantasize how great his life would have been if only he had at least one super power. Little did he know that his world was about to be turned topsy turvy by the very power that he craves for so much; reminding very much of the Golden Midas touch.
This craving for super power continuously pestered his thoughts on Thursday night while Ajitabh was watching movie Badshah on his personal laptop. After the movie, as he fell asleep; he was still wondering of all the wonderful things that he would do, people he would meet if only he had a superpower. His last thoughts before he fell to sleep, after remembering his secret crush Anita, was a brief prayer to god to grant him some super power. 
Thus, there was nothing remarkable about the dull, Friday morning when he woke up with a sharp start. He was already late for his school bus so he hurriedly got ready and wished a harried goodbye to his parents before dashing out of his home. It was then that he realized that something was wrong and people were more naked than usual. Of course having been brought up in an upscale locality, he was used to overweight aunties trying to fit in clothes that Deepika Padukone used to wear in her childhood, guys wearing trousers ten sizes too big for their butt which incidentally is proudly flaunted with their red Jockey underwear, skimpily clad gals trying to be next Rakhi Sawant and Sambhavna Seth. So coming back to the point; he was used to all kind of skin showing in his locality but on this particular day there was more than usual amount of skin. In fact people didn’t seem to be wearing anything. “I was surprised that so many people were roaming around buck naked and I thought to myself that perhaps today was some particular occasion and these high class people are perhaps celebrating it” says Ajitabh. Though soon he realized that something was wrong. “It was as if nobody, even the most conservative of people, was feeling it odd seeing naked people”. “It was almost as if I was the only one who was surprised by so many butts and pe****s flowing around” says a still dazed Ajitabh. 
But all the thoughts were pushed out of his mind just when around the corner, he met his crush; Anita. And he thought no more. At least not from his brain… he didn’t. Perhaps the sword started the thinking process. And who could blame him at that moment when he was witness to the nubile body of his wildest fantasies. These thoughts carried him over to the school where he actually got a chance to meet his peers for the first time in the new visions. “I was seeing everyone in a new light… quite literally. Earlier I used to be intimidated by some guys. Now, with this vision, I could see them for what, or how much, they actually were. I was secretly glad with a comparatively assessment of the measurements and was sure that I must be in the top 20 percentile of my age group”. The shock was yet to come though.
“All was well until the classes started. My first class was for history taken by a prehistoric being who, we believed was teaching out of her personal experience as she must have lived through most of the history, by the name of Mrs. Ghosh. It was quite a shock for me to see my freckled, knotty, wrinkly skin septuagenarian without any clothes. But what did it for me was the tattoo of butterfly on her generous posterior. I mean even Matt Dillon got less of a shock watching Lin shaye cnnage through his binoculars in ‘There’s something about Mary’” And the day didn’t get any better after that. It was one incident after another as one teacher with one peculiarities led to another teacher with some other form of peculiarities.
“Now I realized how Pavitra Prabhakar must have felt helpless when his powers started to become a bane for him. Now I am truly at loss at what to do now. I used to be a very outgoing person, loved playing football and volleyball with my friends. But I am now very afraid to even look at someone; what with things flying here and there. I don’t even watch the recorded football matches for now I realize how much pain was in those nut-kicking actions” reminisces a sad, close eyed Ajitabh. “I was an ardent fan of the alternate version of the movie culture, and I used to fervently support the people who because of no money were forced to act without wearing any clothes, whose poverty forces them to work in compromising positions. But this art used to be widely appreciated by a lot of clientele including engineering students and pre-puberty age group who don’t get any otherwise. But this power has now stripped (no pun intended) me of even these basic joys of life” rues a dejected Ajitabh.
Experts at Lund University, Sweden (It is real trust me… Check it out here) are looking into the matter and will come out with a diagnosis. Meanwhile, some of this story seems to have leaked out to the press who are now raising an issue of invasion of privacy and are consulting with lawyers to see what all penal codes have been violated by Ajitabh and what can be a fitting punishment for him.
PS: If you haven't guessed it by now... This is a Spoof! I hope you enjoyed it 

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